the she hates prednisone club

Ok, while I've just blogged about the Medicine.  I am up from another sleepless night and have to get this monstrous fear off my chest. And thanks to you beautiful people reading my blog... I get to dump my fears, joys, gratitude and love onto you at will. So.. here you go people take on my burden for a few minutes. Another post of some heavy shit.

 prednisone.

I have to take my prednisone this morning. As I've mentioned ..I've been up for hours..since about 2:45a and it's 6a now. I've been dreading taking it since the first glimmer of being awake.
I'm hungry.. and all I can think about is what I should eat with the prednisone. It tastes bad.. I've mentioned that before.. but it also ruins the flavor of everything else I eat. So the food, the timing and the will power to take the pill all have to be right. Millions of people take this drug.. I know. I am a wimp and being very dramatic about it. I know. I know.
But still ... I want to stamp my feet on the floor and pierce my lips together and refuse to take it.
I am however the one forcing myself to take it... so these attempts at a temper tantrum will be waisted ..unless I video tape it.  Ok I'm just procrastinating now.

About a year ago, a friend said she was going on low dose prednisone for her RA. I lost it on her. I have a tendency to get a little passionate and after about 10 mins. of a tirade with me trying to convince her not to be on it.. I looked at her and said.. "oh..I think that's a little displaced.. I blame prednisone for my dad's death" She smiled and said that was different, she wasn't frightened of the stuff at all.. had been on low doses previously and while it was a bit uncomfortable she thinks the medicine works. So I shut up.

I blame the prednisone for my dad's death. It was the prednisone that made him impossible to sew up after surgery. I know this because standing in the hallway of Mt. Sinai after my dad's major colon/bladder/prostate removal.. the surgeon exhausted after hours of intense surgery held up his hands up in the air and said.. "I'm sorry ... the surgery went well..but sewing him up was like sewing up Jell-O... that damn prednisone".
The surgeon my dad loved, walked onto the elevator looking defeated.  In all of his despair I new the outlook was shitty.
It's a moment I'll never forget.

Now it's me.. taking 100mg of this crazy crap that makes me irritable, jumpy, jittery, fatigued, constipated, weak, sweaty and constantly on the verge of a migraine. I only take it for 5 days.. for 6 months. It's only 5 days..I should be able to deal with it. But it's after the 5 days of coming down off of it that extend the experience  So ..it's 10 days of gross hell. .. I hate it.
It doesn't compare to the almost 8 or so years my dad was on/off it. But I can't help but worry that it won't be me turning to mush inside.

The stuff frightens me, all I think about it is that I'm rotting like a pumpkin in November.

mmmm pumpkin. I'm getting pumpkin pancakes at LLK and throwing a temper tantrum there..least I could do is let my friends watch me make an ass of myself.
If there's video I'll post it later.