antiques roadshow

It's 3:49am. Nobody tells time like that unless they are Jeff from Flipping Out or an Insomniac. I've been up since 1:12am. So, I watched Anderson Cooper and Antiques Roadshow. Roadshow obviously better in this situation. It's slow and simple and I'm not all that interested in most of the old crap so my mind doesn't wander much. But, now it's over the lights are off.. the mind is wandering. I'm wide awake. I need to google others and their R-Chop symptoms. I've got new one's. Sadly.. mine are not the one's people don't seem to like to talk about.

New Symptom 1 - Nervous Nelly
I've never been one to be nervous. Driving between two big trucks on a freeway I think..eh..I can fit. Or if someone say's let's go white water rafting down a class IV ..I go. Uhm...k. What kind of picnic do I pack for that?

Things like trucks driving down a rural road..usually don't get me nervous, scared or fearful. Now I'm jumpy. Today driving down street with my sister (she kidnapped me from work, and took me for a walk on the beach this afternoon) a truck was driving the opposite direction and it scared me. The damn thing was just driving down the road. Might have splashed a puddle and rounded a curve.. not even going fast. But I was petrified for a second. Very unusual..me no likey!

Point is .. here I lay. Seemingly calm. Seemingly "together". Going through the motions of processing this wacky situation ...and as Alison put it "this is heavy stuff and you have to manifest it somehow". I realize being a nervous nelly is now my some how.

New Symptom 2 - no poop.
It's inappropriate to some to talk about..but jeese... we all do it. Or at least hope to do it on a regular basis and I'm going through a quasi-medical emergency because I haven't done it.
It's been 3 days.. the doctors say I should call them after 1 day of not taking care of the deed. I should have called today, but I didn't. I had high hopes for a lengthy porcelain session. Alas, it has not come.

Upon dismissal of the first treatment they stress the need of poopage. You are sent home with the various pills to take at various intervals to speed along the process. I have taken the pills on time and diligently. Now, I'm lying in bed on a heating pad. Guzzling water and taking the various pills to aide in what is now I realize the inevitable poop-less hell.

This situation has me very uptight, very nervous and very uncomfortable. And yet... all I keep thinking about is my Poppy, Mr. Sol Siegel asking me "Pull my finger" or the saying "Never trust a fart". Cause either one... are the pinnacle of hope at this moment. I lie awake at 4:20am waiting for signs of movement.

What is the non-poop protocol? I can't even imagine what the nurse in the Oncologist's office will say tomorrow morning when I call. Take another type of drug? Come to Sloan?
Dare I admit and say it aloud...Enima? Ugh! I did not schedule this. I have things to do. Friends & Family stopping by. Work. TV to watch. Laundry to fold. A dog to pet.

My life hangs in the balance of a turd... and it has me nervous.