how you feeling?

I'm asked all the time .."how do you feel" or "how does the chemo make you feel" and the answer is.. "do you mean at this very moment" because it all depends on the week, the hour or the minute. Today I feel great, clear headed, full of energy and normal. Tomorrow I get chemo so for the next  2  1/2  weeks or so I'll feel like hell.
Here are the various stages of that hell.

 stage 1 - coma
 stage 2 - woozy moaning misery
 stage 3 - death where are you?
 stage 4 - the hangover
 stage 5 - normal with a twinge of puppy
 stage 6 - uh what.. me cancer?

  1 - Coma
Everyone's reactions to chemo are different. I was told that the day after chemo I'd feel good and be able to go to work. Yeah..not so much. I sleep. I barely lift my head. I sleep the entire day.I'm a bit nauseous but the drugs work to combat that.

  2 - Woozy moaning misery
I'm a moaner. (i'll leave that open for interpretation and pray that nobody leaves embarrassing comments) I moan a lot during stage 2. I'm miserable I can't breathe, I can't stand up without feeling dizzy. My equilibrium is off and I am fatigued. I get up I try to complete sentences and then I lie down. I'm woozy, not so conscience,  my mouth,teeth, hands, arms, feet, legs, knees all hurt... I breathe heavy when I do anything and I moan.

 3 - Death where are you?
This stage is new. My first foray into stage 3 was after the last round of chemo.
For about 4 days or more, I felt at certain points during the day that my body was literally eating itself. I don't poop. I am miserable. My hands shake. My body is jittery but the fatigue weigh's heavy. My heart beats like pepe le pew falling in love...if I was a cartoon you'd see it beating out of my chest. I dream of slipping in the tub banging my head a bit too hard and drifting away into a peaceful slumber. So be it.. for these few days that would be better than lying curled up in the fetal position trying to figure out how to turn myself inside out and walk through a car wash to clean the evil drugs out of my system.

  4 - The Hangover
The easiest way to explain coming down after those days of hell and wanting to slip in the tub. I feel hungover. That morning after, slow moving, lingering stupidity and inability to process information. That shear pain of existence feeling combined with the knowledge that your brain cells are irreparable but knowing that even though you feel this way ... at some point sooner than later...you will be going back and making yourself feel this way again. The bummer is.. this medically induced hangover is completely void of any fun whatsoever. I much prefer a whiskey, beer, wine or tequilla hangover any day.

  5 - Normal with a twinge of puppy.
Feeling normal begins at the tail-end of the hangover stage when I can lift my head, walk outside without my sunglasses and hold a decent conversation.. but after a short while I need to take a nap. I am fully functioning at this point, I have a hard time waking up in the morning and I usually hit the wall and go to bed around 5:30p. I work a full day, hangout with friends then pass out like a puppy.

  6 - uh what.. me cancer?
Really, I have cancer but I'm feeling great, full of energy. Nothing can bring me down.. oh wait.. I have chemo tomorrow and then I repeat the whole cycle over again. Hopefully no knew symptoms, side effects or stages will be added to the mix.